Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize