organizing the empties. That sober.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
