apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
