I bet he comes in French.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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