"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Four minutes until I can fart!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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