I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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