What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
