Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
