I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
