So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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