Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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