Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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