Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
