shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
