And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
