i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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