he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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