Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
