I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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