my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
