I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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