you win again, gameday.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
