tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
