Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
no, he came in my armpit
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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