Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
