My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I looked at my own cervix.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
