how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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