New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
