I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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