look no pants
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
