you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
