Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
