I'm so fucking centered right now
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
