So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
