Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
