that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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