If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
