We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Life without a bra equals bliss.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize