He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
