everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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