i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This toilet bowl is my home.
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