Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize