I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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