I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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