When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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