i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
