It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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