Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I lost the right to judge tonight
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
