I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
