Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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