I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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