"it" just moved
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
