I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
