why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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