So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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