oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
