They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
