____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
