my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
