there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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