It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
