Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
