somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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