watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
NoShamevember. You game?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
