she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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