His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
