shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
