Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
