lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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