Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
