We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
