i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Barsexuality is the new black.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
