i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize