i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
