If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize