lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
